Dubai

• The Pleasure Domes - Abu Dhabi
• The butler did it - Bahrain
• Dazzled by Dubai - Dubai
• Dubai’s must-do half dozen - Dubai
• The Day Chris tried to swap me for a camel - Egypt
• Ten great wonders - Egypt
• Keeping up with the Joneses - Jordan
• You CAN afford star treatment… - Middle East
• The hippy haunts of Hendrix - Morocco
• Souks you, sir! - Morocco
• Travelling in the sands of time - Oman
• OMAN! What a desert oasis - Oman
• Floating in a Red Sea bubble - Egypt
• Desert delights - Oman
• Our very own luxury oasis - UAE
• Escape to Egypt - Egypt
• Dubai Dazzles anew - Dubai

AS OUR speedboat purrs to a halt at the end of the jetty, the sparkling ivory beach exudes all the brochured perfection of an island paradise. It looks as though the starfish-strewn sands might never have been touched by human feet. And to the left, there is nothing more than the gentle blues of sea and sky. But, wait a minute: look to the right and the landscape tells a different story.

A glittering parade of sci-fi skyscrapers rises from the mainland. A metro train whizzes across the water. A private helicopter buzzes overhead. Welcome to Dubai. It’s hard to believe that just two years ago, Dubai was broke. How our Coalition Government must long for a recovery such as this.

Or, more to the point, how wonderful to have a neighbour such as Abu Dhabi, which came up with £6.5 billion by way of a bailout. It means the boys and girls are back in town. Myleene Klass and Denise Van Outen can all be spotted in the airport arrivals hall once again.

My friend has asked me to come along for a ‘boutique’ experience, and on our first evening, we’re sitting in the pretty courtyard of the Royal Mirage hotel, where locals and expats mingle and chatter happily among lamps, cushions and the thick, sweet smell of shisha.

At a lively rooftop bar, I sample delicious watermelon martinis, the twinkling, mirage-like skyline providing a mesmerising backdrop. When the balmy evening air cools and a breeze ripples through the crowd, a waiter appears, as though by some eastern magic, to wrap a pashmina around my shoulders.

A glittering parade of sci-fi skyscrapers

I’m warming to Dubai by the minute. Then, there’s The Palm. This man-made island shaped like a huge palm tree is Dubai’s most famous addition.

It’s so impeccably clean and safe that it’s easy to see the appeal for families, and then Atlantis, the sprawling complex at its centre, looks like Disneyland and Vegas rolled into one. We are staying at the far smaller One&Only The Palm, which opened last year.

With its warm, faultless service and already loyal crowd, it exudes the self-assurance of a much longer-established hotel. On arrival, we are led into a majestic tiled lobby, flanked by candle lanterns and white orchids.

There’s a gentle trickle of fountains. The sumptuous villas and suites are understated. There are beautiful fabrics, speedy espresso machines huge bathtubs and fancy products galore. It’s an easy speedboat ride from here to the mainland.

Dubai can be stifling in summer, but at this time of year it’s a pleasant 25 to 30c. We explore the city’s chic malls. We visit the Burj Khalifa, the world’s tallest building, where the name of the bar on the 123rd floor is Atmosphere.

Never knowingly understated, that’s Dubai. We look down on famous landmarks, including the sail-shaped Burj Al Arab hotel, where the errant Wayne Rooney grovelled to his long-suffering wife over £25 chicken nuggets. It’s good to be here. There are few places that genuinely have to be seen to be believed and Dubai is one of them.

Then, I realise that I’ve had a smile on my face ever since arriving. Dubai is funny – and what makes it so funny is that it’s not meant to be funny at all.