02 May 2024

Pangkor Laut

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Other Asia Reviews

My perfect Moment

So just why did something magical happen as Jackie Annesley was checking out where Joan Collins spent one of her honeymoons, on Pangkor Laut off Malaysia?

Pangkor Laut, Malaysia - The swimming pool

1 Emerald Bay 2 Spa resort 3 The swimming pool

THEY SHOULD PUT A PLAQUE saying “Joan Collins and Charles Kennedy slept here” over the vast bed on Estate One, one of eight private villas on the island of Pangkor Laut, off the west coast of Malaysia.

Suspended on a polished wooden podium and swathed in Egyptian cotton, it is where these two unlikely bedfellows spent their honeymoon nights. Not at the same time.

It’s difficult to believe the Hollywood star and the leader of the Lib Dems share the same taste in anything. Yet, when it came to impressing their newly betrothed, they both went for the tropical über-boudoir look with its petal-strewn jacuzzi and attentive staff of three at Pangkor Laut, Malaysia.

All for just £9,000 a week. Not including the Bells whisky bill. (Do politicians really earn that sort of money?)

Over at the £290-a-night side of the island, at the Pangkor Laut Spa Village, there was considerable consternation among the holidaying Middle Englanders that Mr Kennedy may even have taken a helicopter to the resort - thus avoiding the gruelling four-hour car and boat trek from Kuala Lumpur.

Not true, says the management. Which is just as well, because at several thousand dollars a round trip, that really would have put the spotlight on the Lib Dems’ finances. Yet there is little else to do but gossip about visiting celebs when all that is required from you is to eat, sleep, do a bit of yoga, laze around the polished granite “infinity” pool and occasionally have your back kneaded by a doe-eyed girl called Joey.

Opened four months ago, the Spa Village is a new and separate addition to the existing Pangkor Laut resort, Malaysia.

Shanghai scrub

The highlight of the spa is the Malay “circulating” bath, which takes you on a bit of a magical mystery tour through a stream-like pool, a cleansing house with “goshi-goshi” washing cloths (not dissimilar to Brillo pads), the heated Rotenburu rock pool and finally to a stone slab for a final Shanghai scrub.

You emerge with the skin of a new-born, primed for any one of the numerous treatments for both men and women.

One evening on the Sunset Cruise (had to be done) I met a posh builder from Clapham with his new bride. He admitted rather enjoying being covered in mud and wrapped tightly in clingfilm. A public schoolboy thing, I suspect.

Somehow I couldn’t quite imagine Mr Kennedy’s body trussed up in clingfilm. On the other hand, Joan’s fella Percy would have loved it.

So did Mr and Mrs Posh Builder have any complaints about the resort?

Well, the food wasn’t always fantastic, they said, and I had to agree.

One lunch time I was served a Caesar salad that arrived dying in its own dressing, three-and-a-half slivers of chicken having fallen on its grave.

This was accompanied by a mango smoothie impersonating a glass of Angel Delight. Stick to the fresh fish and local asparagus - fabulous. They also had a problem with the bang-banging of workers building a stage behind the beach for Pavarotti to entertain Nelson Mandela and a host of world leaders at a summit. But apart from the woman who demanded to know why Joan’s side of the island got the sunset, and a few other minor complaints, most of the couples looked happy enough to lie in the sunshine. So is it worth the exhaustingly long journey to Pangkor Laut - up to 18 hours door to door - and the not inconsiderable cost?

Certainly, the rooms suspended on stilts off-shore are a lot of fun and everything is spotless - one afternoon I counted four cleaners raking the beach.

And although you don’t get a sunset, there are worse things to do than watch the sunrise filter on to your private balcony while eating fresh paw-paw and warm croissants from a white linen covered table.

What’s more, the sunken stone baths could hold a family of four, and the potions are in proper sized bottles and all worth taking home.

But probably my favourite argument for going to Pangkor Laut resort on holiday is this. In his book Swimming to Cambodia, the American writer Spalding Gray introduces the reader to the concept of a “perfect moment”.

Moments of true and utter peace

They are moments of true and utter peace, and if you’re lucky they happen every few years.

Mine arrived on one of the spa’s three giant day beds, each shaded by wooden pagodas that lip the edge of the beach.

Lying on a cool white sheet with my head on a pillow was like being in my own bed, but at the same time outside. All I could hear was the rush of the breaking tide and the click-click of the garden hose.

The breeze was warm and after about ten minutes of this, every little thought in my mind - from worrysome children to crowded flights to useless builders - had just drifted away. My head was completely empty. Perfect.

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